If you’ve had the privilege of befriending a Golden Retriever than I’m sure you’ve come to realize who the master of your house is.
Rule #1: Wake up and fill my empty bowl first thing. I will serve as your alarm clock and remind you in case you forget.
Goldens definitely love waking up to some fresh food. As soon as they get on a schedule, they like to keep to it, especially when it comes to their feeding time. They’ll do their best to make sure you keep to that schedule too.
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Rule #2: Bathroom time is together time.
Oh, you thought going to the bathroom and showering were private experiences? Not when you have a golden. They love being with you constantly and that includes behind the closed door of the bathroom.
Rule #3: You must share every piece of food you eat with me… unless it’s a vegetable, or something else I don’t like.
Goldens love tasty treats and expect you to share with them whenever possible. Their puppy eyes that they never truly grow out of can be hard to resist! They also can be picky; if they don’t like something you give them, they’ll be sure to let you know.
Rule #4: Don’t come home smelling like other dogs. I will be sure to check you up and down.
Goldens love having your undivided love and attention. If they find that you’ve been giving love to any other dog, they will know about it and it will likely warrant a look of sadness or betrayal from those puppy eyes.
Rule #5: Let me inside or outside at my request, no matter how many times I’ve asked already.
You will likely have times where you’ll be looking at your Golden begging by the back door and exclaiming, “you were just out 20 minutes ago!” This short time frame doesn’t matter to them. If they want to go out, they want to go out, if even for just a few minutes to re-investigate the yard.
Rule #6: I can sleep anywhere I want, whether it be my bed, your bed, or in your clean basket of laundry.
When goldens want a nap, they’ll take one wherever they please. They will likely look more uncomfortable than comfortable most times, but they will never seem to care, just as long as they get some good sleep.
Rule #7: Please appreciate when I alert you of noises I hear outside. I’ve saved your life hundreds of times already.
If your golden barks, they likely fully believe it is necessary. Oftentimes it probably isn’t necessary, but they don’t care. They feel better knowing they’ve defended you at all.
Rule #8: The floor is my terrain… What lands on the floor is mine.
When you’re making food, they will be watching and they will dive for whatever you drop. No such thing as a 5-second rule in a golden’s mind.
Rule #9: Take me on one visit per day to see my outdoor buddies, Squirrel and Raccoon.
Golden’s love chasing and messing around with outdoor critters, whether they be squirrels, raccoons, chipmunks, birds, etc. Even if it’s just to bark at them, they love to make these critters a part of their day.
Rule #10: Daily cuddles are non-negotiable and will likely happen 4+ times a day. It also doesn’t hurt to tell me how cute and soft I am.
Goldens can be exceptionally cuddly and want love constantly. They will make their way into your lap no matter what you do and often unexpectedly.
Rule #11: I get shotgun every time, regardless of whether I remember to call it or not.
Goldens LOVE car rides and will likely want to be right up next to you the whole time with the windows down.
Rule #12: Leave one pair of stinky shoes out per day for me to chew on. Stinky socks and underwear will do, too.
Goldens have a tendency to love messing with your shoes and other miscellaneous pieces of clothing. Sometimes they won’t even chew on them, they just like to carry them around. It could be an attachment or a comforting thing.
Rule #13: Please don’t ever ever ever dress me. I prefer to be naked. Unlike you humans, I’m actually proud of my body.
Goldens are very confident dogs and don’t like to be weighed down by extra fabric. Dress up is not a game they enjoy.
Rule #14: Banish the ridiculous plastic headpiece that you sometimes make me wear.
Like most dogs, goldens hate the “cone of same,” even if it may be necessary sometimes. Just be prepared for them to give you trouble if you ever do put it on them.
Rule #15: How about we skip the bath as much as possible?
Though they love playing in the water, Golden’s don’t typically love bathtime.
Rule #16: I love sitting on all the furniture, even if you’re already sitting on it.
Golden’s are the type of dog who will likely be sneaking up onto the couch at whatever chance they get, even if they’re technically not allowed. They’re difficult to say no to once they’re all cozied up there too.
Rule #17: We shall never be apart, and I will always be by your side.
Overall, Golden Retrievers are some of the most loyal, loving, dependable companions you could ever find. They will love you unconditionally and be with you always, no matter what.
Has your golden set any rules that aren’t on this list? Share with us!